The Devils Zone
Diabolically clever commentary on the state of Jersey’s Team
Home | Blog | Nick’s Names | O Brother | Bettman Sucks | Devils Graveyard
December 27, 2014
Today’s announcement that Scott Stevens and Adam Oates will take over as Devils co-coaches—under the watchful eye of Uncle Lou, of course—was a curious one. When I heard the news, I kind of felt like that guy in Johnny Dangerously after Danny Vermin spills the beans about the boss’s true identity: “Is this true? Cause if it is, I’m not sure how to react.”
So, since I’m already borrowing from the entertainment arena, I thought I’d take a page out of Daniel Tosh’s book for today’s post. If you’re not familiar with Tosh.0, it’s a TV show featuring Internet clips accompanied by the host’s snarky commentary. Each episode, they select one video and put 20 seconds on the clock to see how many jokes they can squeeze in before the buzzer. And since I know how much Tosh loves to be imita...er, uh, paid homage to, I thought I’d use this device to post a few different possible reactions.
:20 Two coaches? I hope they do joint press conferences in the style of ’70’s era Weekend Update. “Scott, you...
So, since I’m already borrowing from the entertainment arena, I thought I’d take a page out of Daniel Tosh’s book for today’s post. If you’re not familiar with Tosh.0, it’s a TV show featuring Internet clips accompanied by the host’s snarky commentary. Each episode, they select one video and put 20 seconds on the clock to see how many jokes they can squeeze in before the buzzer. And since I know how much Tosh loves to be imita...er, uh, paid homage to, I thought I’d use this device to post a few different possible reactions.
:20 Two coaches? I hope they do joint press conferences in the style of ’70’s era Weekend Update. “Scott, you...
December 17, 2014
Have you seen this woman?
Back in the 1990's, she could be found every Thursday night on TVs all across America. But apparently she's gone missing. I know this because 15 or 16 times every Devils telecast, Steve Cangialosi tells us a hockey player is "looking for Elaine."
Wait, what? He's actually saying "a lane"—as in, an opening through which to shoot or pass? OK, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, the guy's doing an admirable job filling some pretty huge shoes. But when you watch as much Devils hockey as I do (and if you're reading this, you probably do), there are bound to be a few phrases that become...let's just say...familiar over the course of a season.
See if you recognize any of these Cangy Classics.
#6 “Collects”
The first time I heard Steve say a guy "collects" the puck, I thought, "hey, that's a pretty clever descriptor." After about the thousandth time (2:29 into the next period, it should be noted), I wanted to slit my wrists. Then it got worse, as guys...
Back in the 1990's, she could be found every Thursday night on TVs all across America. But apparently she's gone missing. I know this because 15 or 16 times every Devils telecast, Steve Cangialosi tells us a hockey player is "looking for Elaine."
Wait, what? He's actually saying "a lane"—as in, an opening through which to shoot or pass? OK, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, the guy's doing an admirable job filling some pretty huge shoes. But when you watch as much Devils hockey as I do (and if you're reading this, you probably do), there are bound to be a few phrases that become...let's just say...familiar over the course of a season.
See if you recognize any of these Cangy Classics.
#6 “Collects”
The first time I heard Steve say a guy "collects" the puck, I thought, "hey, that's a pretty clever descriptor." After about the thousandth time (2:29 into the next period, it should be noted), I wanted to slit my wrists. Then it got worse, as guys...
September 13, 2014
The big news in Devilsville heading into training camp, other than the curious departure of Scott Stevens, has been the quartet of former NHLers who've been invited in on professional tryouts. None of them were sought after by the team; each approached GM Lou Lamoriello asking for the invite. And by all accounts, it appears Lou's reaction was along the lines of "Oh, what the hell, it can't hurt."
In stories by Devils beat guys Tom Gulliti and Rich Chere, Lou repeated over and over again that there are "no promises and no guarantees" for any of the newcomers. The team already has 14 forwards signed to 1-way NHL contracts, plus Ryan Carter who's probably a better option than 3 or 4 of those currently signed. Then there's Reid Boucher and He Whose Name I Shan't Mention Because The Sins Of His Father knocking at the door.
Said Lou-Lou of Tootoo (but it could just as easily apply to any of the 4): "He'll either push people or pass people." Push is far more likely, as these moves seem...
In stories by Devils beat guys Tom Gulliti and Rich Chere, Lou repeated over and over again that there are "no promises and no guarantees" for any of the newcomers. The team already has 14 forwards signed to 1-way NHL contracts, plus Ryan Carter who's probably a better option than 3 or 4 of those currently signed. Then there's Reid Boucher and He Whose Name I Shan't Mention Because The Sins Of His Father knocking at the door.
Said Lou-Lou of Tootoo (but it could just as easily apply to any of the 4): "He'll either push people or pass people." Push is far more likely, as these moves seem...
August 31, 2014
GH: Uh...hi. My name is Glaz Haffle, and I'm here with my friend Hal Fempty. And like you, we're wondering where the hell Nick Casale—the guy behind this site—has been all summer. If you're a regular reader of The Devils Zone, you know that Nick sometimes calls on us to give a well-balanced, point/counterpoint perspective on issues that demand 360° coverage.
HF: You mean when he's too chickenshit to take a stand one way or the other.
GH: I mean that when Nick wants to explore a particular topic from both a positive and negative point of view, we're his guys. So if anyone should know where he’s been, it’s us.
HF: But we don’t. Guy hasn’t posted since the end of last season, and we have no idea why. Though we do have some theories.
GH: That's right, Hal, and here's mine. You know how several hockey blogs have gone dark lately, only to have their administrators turn up a couple days later as new hires for the teams they used to write about? Like Tyler Dellow, Darryl Metcalf and Cam Charron....
HF: You mean when he's too chickenshit to take a stand one way or the other.
GH: I mean that when Nick wants to explore a particular topic from both a positive and negative point of view, we're his guys. So if anyone should know where he’s been, it’s us.
HF: But we don’t. Guy hasn’t posted since the end of last season, and we have no idea why. Though we do have some theories.
GH: That's right, Hal, and here's mine. You know how several hockey blogs have gone dark lately, only to have their administrators turn up a couple days later as new hires for the teams they used to write about? Like Tyler Dellow, Darryl Metcalf and Cam Charron....
March 23, 2014
My favorite tweet in recent memory came Tuesday night, as the Devils were in the midst their third straight defeat in their third straight biggest-must-win-game-of-the-year. That’s it above.
I could laugh at this because I'd written the season off several days earlier, when the Devils got swept out of Florida for the second straight March. Disappointing, sure. But I’d be lying if I said I was surprised. In fact, the 2013-2014 New Jersey Devils have turned out to be exactly what I expected them to be before the season began.
They're offensively challenged, bereft of a true go-to superstar, far too reliant on aging veterans, and waiting for (some would say stunting) the development of their talented youngsters.
At the same time, they're an overachieving, often-surprising, usually competitive club that gave us a good amount of hope this year. Even if, in the end, it turns out to be false hope.
The Devils You Know
Lots of "experts" picked Jersey’s Team to end up among the bottom 2 or 3 teams...
I could laugh at this because I'd written the season off several days earlier, when the Devils got swept out of Florida for the second straight March. Disappointing, sure. But I’d be lying if I said I was surprised. In fact, the 2013-2014 New Jersey Devils have turned out to be exactly what I expected them to be before the season began.
They're offensively challenged, bereft of a true go-to superstar, far too reliant on aging veterans, and waiting for (some would say stunting) the development of their talented youngsters.
At the same time, they're an overachieving, often-surprising, usually competitive club that gave us a good amount of hope this year. Even if, in the end, it turns out to be false hope.
The Devils You Know
Lots of "experts" picked Jersey’s Team to end up among the bottom 2 or 3 teams...
February 23, 2014
Dear Martin,
Remember that time I almost met you? It was during the 2012 playoffs, and my son & I happened to be staying at the same Florida hotel as the Devils. We were checking in as the team was boarding the bus, and I suddenly found myself a mere 6 feet away from you in the lobby. Yeah, you probably don’t remember. But I do.
So many times I'd imagined that moment and thought about what I'd say. "Thanks, Marty, for two decades of magic"? Or maybe, "Mr. Brodeur, your class, unselfishness, and loyalty have made you a true role model in a world that's woefully bereft of them"? Perhaps I’d even dust off my high school French and wish you "Bonne chance ce soir"? As it turns out, I said nothing—partly because you were yukking it up with Rico and Clarkie and I didn't want to interrupt, and partly because I didn't want to come across as some dorky fanboy. But if that moment happened again today, I know exactly what I'd say.
"Please retire."
Le plus grande jamais jouer le jeu
First, let's get one...
Remember that time I almost met you? It was during the 2012 playoffs, and my son & I happened to be staying at the same Florida hotel as the Devils. We were checking in as the team was boarding the bus, and I suddenly found myself a mere 6 feet away from you in the lobby. Yeah, you probably don’t remember. But I do.
So many times I'd imagined that moment and thought about what I'd say. "Thanks, Marty, for two decades of magic"? Or maybe, "Mr. Brodeur, your class, unselfishness, and loyalty have made you a true role model in a world that's woefully bereft of them"? Perhaps I’d even dust off my high school French and wish you "Bonne chance ce soir"? As it turns out, I said nothing—partly because you were yukking it up with Rico and Clarkie and I didn't want to interrupt, and partly because I didn't want to come across as some dorky fanboy. But if that moment happened again today, I know exactly what I'd say.
"Please retire."
Le plus grande jamais jouer le jeu
First, let's get one...
January 5, 2014
How great are the World Junior Championships? If you don’t have NHL Network, or some other means of watching this amazing tournament, you have about 357 days to rectify that situation. The tourney begins each year the day after Christmas and ends the Sunday after New Year’s. In between, we’re treated to some of the most electrifying, entertaining hockey out there.
Of course, the World Juniors also gives you a glimpse into the future of the professional game. Nearly every player (on the top teams, at least) is an NHL draft choice, and will likely be bringing his talents to the big stage within the next few years. What other things from this year’s tourney might we see making their way into the pro game, you ask?
Deaths.
That’s right. Deaths.
Don’t worry, I’m not talking about dead players. But there are three trends I noticed watching this year’s tourney—let’s call them “deaths,” as celebrity deaths also come in threes—that may portend what we’ll be seeing in the NHL in a few years. The...
Of course, the World Juniors also gives you a glimpse into the future of the professional game. Nearly every player (on the top teams, at least) is an NHL draft choice, and will likely be bringing his talents to the big stage within the next few years. What other things from this year’s tourney might we see making their way into the pro game, you ask?
Deaths.
That’s right. Deaths.
Don’t worry, I’m not talking about dead players. But there are three trends I noticed watching this year’s tourney—let’s call them “deaths,” as celebrity deaths also come in threes—that may portend what we’ll be seeing in the NHL in a few years. The...
 |
Johan Franzen + James Hetfield = Mule-tallica?
Did you hear me on the Radio PI podcast?
Listen in as Nick Casale and Nick Case—hockey’s answer to Evan & Eva Longoria—talk Devils/Penguins following the 2013-2014 season opener.
Many thanks to the fine folks at
Pens Initiative for inviting me on.
s/t @BackhandedDevil for the Marty graphic.
(C) 2016 Nicholas J. Casale | Got a beef? Think I’m brilliant? Talk to me | Meet the guy who spews this nonsense.